You should know, that I love you. In every way possible. Well, not in every way. You infuriate me very much. And I constantly find myself wanting to lash out at you. To tell you to shut up, to put you in your right place.
And sometimes you do. And i get hurt. Really hurt, but i refuse to admit it. i won’t. and funny how you, well maybe never see the signs that is written all over me, funny how you didn’t notice the ;way my face is wearing this kind of fallen and dejected mask, which is so unusual for you to not to realize.
You set fire to my soul, and it burns, and I like it, but besides burning it also stings impossibly much. It stings so bad, it hurts. Because I know, i know i can never ever, be good enough for you. :(
You don’t understand. But maybe a subconcious part of you do. i love you, but love doesn’t work that way. Not for all of us. Certainly not for me.
Sometimes I get these impulses that tell me to just let it flow, she loves you but he has a different way to show it to you, trust me this is worth it, have faith in him! give him more time, and when I sometimes in a moment of insanity decide to do exactly that, there’s a negative internal voice echoing inside my head. and I am left with this blue feeling. thousands times this word is popped up in my mind ‘what am i supposed to do now?!’
I sometimes think that it’s my heart that turns into ice. I wouldn’t be suprised. and i wonder when the day has come, i’ll be no longer constantly trying to prove myself to myself.
You break me so much, all the time, and you don’t even realize it.
Every day I love you more and less than I did the day before,
but please this thing between us, is not going to work if you never ever have intention to be changed and forget your past.
I just wish you would.
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