— Albert Camus

“She was breathing deeply, she forgot the cold, the weight of beings, the insane or static life, the long anguish of living or dying. After so many years running from fear, fleeing crazily, uselessly, she was finally coming to a halt. At the same time she seemed to be recovering her roots, and the sap rose anew in her body, which was no longer trembling. Pressing her whole belly against the parapet, leaning toward the wheeling sky, she was only waiting for her pounding heart to settle down, and for the silence to form in her. The last constellations of stars fell in bunches a little lower on the horizon of the desert, and stood motionless. Then, with an unbearable sweetness, the waters of the night began to fill her, submerging the cold, rising gradually to the center of her being, and overflowing wave upon wave to her moaning mouth. A moment later, the whole sky stretched out above her as she lay with her back against the cold earth."

have you ever had to get through a day, smiling at people, talking, as if everything were normal and okay, while all the time you felt like you were carrying leaden weight of unhappiness inside you.


can you see???? many people said that my life is a perfect life. i can got everything what i want and i need. ohaha and all of you know, in this world everything would spins like cycles. sometimes you there's on top and sometimes you there's on under but most of us never can feel it. we just can feel it when everything has changed, and all it feel so hurt.
i wanna be ANGRY, CRY, i wanted to run away til' my feet are tired and couldn't to walk anymore. :"""(((

heyy you... have you ever felt something wrong in your life? hmm i think the answer is "yes" isn't it?
yaa and now this is my feeling. idk where it's from, but it feel so hurt when this little random have been worked out from my mind.
ohhhh nooo! have you ever felt that you didn't proud by your self?
and you just a little thing that people never see who you are.
i didn't have a lot of money to bought whatever i need, i don't have a lot of friend to bring me out from this situation, and i don't have many words to tell you what i feel.
huhu can you feel what i feel???????
you're so useless and no body cares with you....
they can say anything about me, but they never see what the real of me.

‎2011 is the year that went by so fast, maybe a little too fast. It’s the year your so called friend walks out of your life, and it’s the year you realize who the real ones are. It’s the year you felt the most pressure to the point where you gave up so many times but you’re still learning how to get back up. It’s the year you said you were going to accomplish great things yet you feel like you’ve just wasted time. It’s the year you cried over too many pointless things, too many times. It’s the year you look back on all the lifetime memories in which you find yourself missing the people in them. But it’s also the year you move on, slowly, and you realize that everything will be okay.

is it over?




I got 1 more fucking sadest thing ever :'( I don't know what I'm supposed to do know. All I feel is, I'm tired of wishing. I'm tired of hopping. But seems like I don't wanna get over you each time. but really I always guessing Whether he still love me or not. I'm afraid that he doesn't love me anymore. I'm scared. But I guess I deserve for this. I'm the one who broke our faith. So if he really doesn't love me anymore. I'll let you go. I'm going to accept it. :(


And sometimes I do. And you get hurt. Really hurt, but you don't admit it. You won't. But I see the signs, it's written all over you. I know and really really know, this is my foolishness and everything make you very dissapointed with me.
You want friendship, and I won't that. But it's hard, because all I really want to is to throw myself into your arms and cling to you and say that I love you and just be happy,
Sometimes I get these impulses that tell me to just go for it, you've got nothing to lose, he'll accept you, he loves you, just do it already, and when I sometimes in a moment of insanity decide to do exactly that, I see you with her, and the fire that is within me, the fire only you can help me control and nurture, dies instanly. It crackles down to nothing in a split second, and I am left with this blue feeling: the death of a fire so bright and orange turned into a blue, cold heap of ice.
and maybe I break you so much, all the time, and I don't even realize it.



if you think it's better for you and actually not for me, I just wanna said 2 words and it's can depute all I guess. "thankyou" & "SORRY" :( I don't want it happended.

and moon knew everything :) and you always be my best eggplant now or forever :'')

"moon tell him that I Love Him <3" 07112011/12122011 till forever....

don't know why.... hari ini bener bener ngerasa random banget ;''''(
down down down..
"Looking at how things changing and revolving around me, just making me feel like ending my life." via: @Blackalogy
everything gonna make me down today, i don't know why... it feel like i'm nothing 
oh God, i know you have something the best for me.
please give me some angel's to accompany me tonight, just for tonight :'(
i'm feel lonely in this big world, to listen my stories, to give me support, to give me a solution of my problem, to make me feel that i'm not alone!!
i wanna cry, i wanna to scream loud till everyone can heard my sadness.
i don't know how to express my feeling.
all it seems like they don't care about me.
so, i'll try to be a stronger to my self.


good luck for tomorrow and wish me always luck everyday and everywhere :'D

my 1st anniversary

                                                             

pretend that there was me and my boyf. so its been 1 month i'm in a relationship with IF. baru sebentar sih emang tapi udah banyak banget yg dirasain dari 7november lalu.

the old us when i used to be happy when i was with him. 

sometimes, selalu muncul keragu-raguan dalam sebulan ini yg mungkin emang...... not too important sebenernya buat dipikirin.

sayaang kokk, sayang banget malah :")

wish that it will be the last, dan kedepan nya bakal baik-baik aja.

gak ada keragu-raguan lagi, gak ada galau-galau lagi hehe.

i think you know why......aku ragu sama semua ini, cuma kurang kepastian aja kok.

cuma butuh ketegasan dari hati kamu aja, after it i trust you fully :D

yaudahlah i've tried my best :")

Love you, IF :)